Retro Commercials: Christmas Edition Volume 3

So this week for Retro Commercial Review, I'm going to be reviewing a Christmas commercial compilation posted on YouTube by Dave's Archives (no affiliation). This set of commercials was short, so there isn't much to review, but let's do it anyways!

First up, we have an ad from Radio Shack, advertising a variety of hand held, portable gaming devices. If you're around my age (30) or older, you'll remember the old hand held video game systems that were square or rectangle shaped. They're nothing compared to what portable gaming eventually became, but they were the pioneers to advancements like game boy and game gear. The advertised price range on these games in the ad were $7.95-$69.95; that's a pretty huge fucking gap in pricing, Radio Shack.

We then get another ad from Radio Shack, this one is for something called petable portable. Essentially it's a stuffed animal with a radio inside. I don't know if it's a fully functioning, AM and FM radio. It's available in a variety of different animal forms, and ranges in price from $13-$16. Side note: the dad in this commercial is hella creepy. 

Sears gives us an ad aimed towards women; advertising sales on women's and children's sweaters, blankets, dinnerware sets, and cleaning appliances.

Up next we have Mattel with a classic ad for a Barbie Dream House. The ad starts with a girl asleep in her room while her parents and grandparents fawn over the Dream House they've bought her. This thing is HUGE! I'd estimate it to be at least 2.5 (maybe 3) feet tall, and probably just as wide. The price wasn't given, but I imagine it was pretty expensive. The best line though is the VoiceOver guy who states, "she'll play with it for years." HAHAHAHAHA! No she won't! She'll probably get bored of it in a few months and then want something new; but nice try, Mattel. 

Another Sears commercial; this one is geared towards men. Sale items include men's denim pants, a stereo, and video games. 

Lastly, another ad from Sears. This one is for kitchen appliances. There's really nothing special about these Sears commercials, but I have it ingrained in my head now that Sears opens early on Friday.

Overall, there's nothing too exciting about these ads, but they're worth a watch. I'm sure there are more memorable commercials out there, and I'm sure I'll probably eventually post them here. 

Check out the ads here:

80's Commercials Vol 337 Reviewed!

It's time for another review of classic 80's commercials, or as I'm going to call it going forward: The Not Good Enough For Buzzfeed Blog. Today I'll be reviewing from 80's Commercials volume 337. Let's get started!

First up, we have a commercial from McDonald's. This ad is introducing two new breakfast sandwiches. In addition to the classic Egg McMuffin, McDonald's is now giving us the sausage McMuffin, and the Sausage and Egg McMuffin. Why have only 1 choice in breakfast sandwiches, when you can have 3!? Well, technically it's really more like two and a half. Now McDonald's has like 8 breakfast menu options, so suck on that people from the 80s!

A Las Vegas commercial commercial is up next; and I guess there was a strike going on at the time, because the commercial asks you not to let the strike affect your plans to visit Vegas. What better way is there to tell your disgruntled employees that they don't matter than with an ad telling people to spend money that the employees won't get?

Splendor Shampoo is up next. Nothing interesting about this ad. It features a dude talking about how great the product is while a woman washes her hair with the shampoo, so a really standard hair product commercial.

Dexatrim diet pills. This ad features a "pharmacist" - ya sure, like you're not just an actress playing a part - claiming that when she decided that she wanted to lose weight, she knew to take Dexatrim because she works in a pharmacy. As if pharmacies don't have MULTIPLE brand choices for weight loss pills. Don't push your agenda on me, lady!

Tree Top Apple Juice. A typical drink ad with a montage of different people drinking their product (gotta love 80s montages). Some of the things in the montage include a construction worker drinking the juice on the job, a kids baseball team celebrating a win while drinking it, and a man sitting on his couch with his dog while he has a glass of apple juice beside him.

KUTE FM radio. This was a really shitty and boring ad done in the style of AHA's Take On Me music video; it was part real, part sketch animation. This ad didn't really grab me at all, and it certainly wouldn't have enticed me to listen to that radio station.

Pontiac Firebird Trans Am. They try to make this ad look futuristic, starting off with the car being designed on a computer screen, then ending with a dude driving the car down a futuristic looking highway. I guess this was a cool commercial for the 80s, but comes off really cheesy watching it today.

Chief Auto Parts commercial, featuring Don Adams (and a woman). Don is blindfolded while Barbara hands him different products in the store. Don correctly guesses what each product is, as well as what the price is. Not sure what the point of this commercial is; perhaps it's to highlight that you know what you're getting when you shop at Chief Auto Parts. The ad ends with Don still blindfolded as he walks into a door.

Volvo. The cars in this ad look TERRIBLE; I certainly wouldn't buy one. Volvo tries to advertise themselves as the cars that smart car buyers own.

Lancers White Wine. This was a cheesy commercial which featured a guy and a girl having a glass of Lancers White Wine while they had a candlelit dinner. The guy says to the girl, "do you really have to go?" To which she replies, "well, nobody's asked me to stay." BARF! I hope you went out of business for this, Lancers.

An ad for Angels baseball is up next. This ad excites me because they were playing my beloved Blue Jays. After watching this I had to look up who won the game. Sadly, the Angels beat my Blue Jays 9-6.

Anacin 3 headache relief. Not only is this product aspirin free, but it's also doctor AND dentist recommended! Take that other products that are only recommended by dentists, or only recommended by doctors!

Club Med. Another boring ad which didn't excite me or get me interested in the product. If you want me to spend my money on your resort, Club Med, show me something more exciting.

Ole's Paint. Nothing exciting here, just advertising cans of paint for $7.99. Phyllis Diller is the celebrity spokesperson though, so there's that.

Mitsubishi Mighty Max S. This commercial is basically showing off all of the features on the truck which make it "superior" Also, apparently the S stands for "special."

The Glory Of Easter stage play. This is your typical ad for a stage play about biblical Easter. There's a ton of shots of Jesus, including the obligatory image of him wearing a crown of thorns while looking sad.

Levolor Blinds. This commercial shows blinds opening and closing as the seasons change and the years pass. This is supposed to show the longevity and durability of the blinds over a long period of time. I guess they were that reliable, as I don't see ads for this brand of blinds anymore; presumably because nobody had to go back to replace them, so the company went out of business.

Finally, we have an ad for Winchell's donuts. This commercial is to promote that you can get a dozen Winchell's donuts for just $2.79! This ad features some amazingly bad acting, culminating in a crazy old lady exclaiming, "wrap them up, sonny!"

Watch the ads here:

80s Commercials Vol. 263

I'm back with another review of retro commercials. I know the last review was long because there were quite a few ads. The ads video I'm reviewing today had more ads than last week, but I'll try to keep things as short as I can.


The first ad is for Prodigy, a computer software put together by IBM and Sears. The ad shows a couple using their PC to shop for baby stuff. The graphics and stuff were pretty bad compared to how advanced things have become, but it was interesting watching what was no doubt one of the earliest commercials for online shopping.

News bumper mentioning a story about Cesar Chavez helping the homeless. I kind of want to hear the full story, but that's obviously not going to happen. People making these commercial compilations, TAKE NEWS BUMPERS OUT OF THESE VIDEOS!

Moving on, we have have a commercial for All stain remover laundry detergent. The ad starts with bright light emanating from behind a closed door. Three kids, being drawn towards the light, open the door and enter the room........ Before I go any further, let me just say that if I saw a bright light emanating from a closed door, my ass would be running from the house! I've seen Ghostbusters, light emanating from behind a door is not something I associate with being a good thing! Anyways, these kids enter the room and then start twirling around and stare at amazement at the box of All sitting on the washer. Where the hell are the grownups here? Get the fuck out of the house, kids, the laundry detergent is clearly possessed. Save yourselves!

Orville Redenbacher popcorn ad. Orville already looks 20 years past dead in this ad. God bless him though, he still pushed forward selling his popcorn.

McRib ad for McDonald's. Annoying voice-over with an even more annoying song jingle.

Shredded Wheats cereal commercial. Room rotates and flips upside down. Despite this, ONLY the milk pours downwards. Somehow, magically, the cereal both in the bowl and in the cereal box don't fall downwards. PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS DEFIANCE OF GRAVITY, SHREDDED WHEAT CEREAL!

Next up we have a Wendy's ad where Dave Thomas is talking about the great value meal deals that they have. Dave is so busy talking - while he's carrying around a tray of food - that he can't get a place to sit down and eat because everybody else is beating him to tables. Let this be a lesson, never shoot a commercial when you're on you're lunch break.

Who's The Boss and The Wonder Years bumpers.

Wrigley's Juicy Fruit commercial. I'll be honest, I zoned out on this one. The one thing I did notice about it was that the jingle they used in this ad was worse than The Taste Is Gonna Move You jingle they switched to.

Subaru ad. Not much to discuss here. Standard car commercial talking about how much better this car is compared to the competition.

Good old fashioned anti marijuana ad. Guess people in Washington and Colorado didn't pay attention to 80s anti doping PSAs.

Promo spot for Doogie Howser and Anything But Love.

Bounty coconut chocolate commercial. Does anybody remember this chocolate bar? Is it still around. Holy shit these things were awful! Bounty describes itself as "the taste of paradise," but it tasted more like laundry detergent smells.

Boring Gerber baby food ad.

News bumper

Back to back Luv's diapers commercials. The first one starts off with a lady, her husband, and their baby in what appears to be a bank. And while the bank person is talking, all the mom can think about is how wet her baby's diaper is getting. Terrible commercial, followed by another terrible Luv's ad right after, where nothing really happens. 

We now get another set of back to back ads, this time for Toys R Us. These ads are weird and a little creepy, as they show adults playing with kids toys - one of them is even in a bathtub playing. The best part comes in the second ad with an old lady dancing with a giant inflatable dinosaur. Classic! 

Downy fabric softener commercial, which also has some kind of sweepstakes contest going on. Didn't care, boring ad.

An ad for Bambi being available to own on VHS. The ad shows classic moments from the film and tells the viewer that they can now relive all their favourite moments of this classic, heartwarming movie. Of course, they leave out the part about Bambi's mom being shot.

Matchbox super fast racetrack commercial. I always wanted a matchbox racetrack as a kid, but never got one. I still want one now.

Full House and Family Matters promos.

Little Lost and Found stuffed plush animals. These things are creepy looking and sad as fuck. 

Promo spot for The Final Days of Nixon. This looks interesting, and I now have to see if this was ever released on DVD.

That's it for this bunch of ads. Check out the video below to watch them for yourself.

80s Commercials Vol. 225

Recently I've been watching a lot of retro 80's and 90's commercials on YoutTube. Some of these old commercials are great, some are not so great; either way, I thought it would be fun if I started writing reviews of them. Seeing as how this is my first review, it's probably not going to be the greatest of reviews, but hopefully these will get better, and hopefully you'll enjoy them.


80's Commercials Vol 225

Is that James Earl Jones? Oh wait, it's quickly switched to Elliott Gould being interviewed by what appears to be a psychologist, but then we discover he's being interviewed for Playboy. Cut to shots of Playboy writers and cartoonists working in their offices, followed by the obligatory scene of a photographer taking pictures of a Playboy model (and random head-shots of girls). A few more obligatory shots talking about their other sections (style, music, etc), and then cut to the heart of the matter - signing up for a yearly subscription! Actually, the deal is pretty sweet, you get 12 issues for $18.50 - half off of the regular 12 month subscription plan. What really surprises me the most is what the base cost per issue is; at $18.50 you're getting each issue for $1.54, and even at $37 you're getting each issue for $3.08 Today, even with most things being digital, you can't find subscription prices that low!

The next ad is for Shoe-Town. This ad starts with a voice-over talking to a woman as she's leaving a Shoe-Town store. I always enjoy commercials like this, because if you saw somebody walking out of a store and answering questions that nobody was actually asking, you'd think that person was crazy. I'm guessing that Shoe-Town was a rural/small town only type of store, as the first thing the VO says is, "you look like a lady who'd go to the city to buy shoes." Anyways, the commercial goes on with the VO talking about brand name shoes, and the lady saying she prefers Shoe-Town because their prices are up to 40% lower than other shoe stores. The gem of this ad though is when the VO says, "but don't you miss the ambiance of those posh department stores?" To which the woman responds, "Ambiance? Well, if he's a new Italian designer, Shoe-Town already has him." LMFAO! WAY TO MAKE YOUR CUSTOMERS LOOK LIKE IDIOTS, SHOE-TOWN! I get that you're trying to put down the high end and high priced shoe stores, but you shouldn't make your own customers look like idiots at the same time. I hope whoever approved this ad never worked in marketing again.

Up next in this wonderful series of ads, we have the random tail end of a commercial for a book you can order by mail, something called Benefit Book. I wish I had more details on this one, but whoever was recording this commercial didn't do their job properly.

Next up, we have a classic Bill Cosby Jello Pudding commercial. My absolute favourite part of this commercial is the fact that Cosby promotes Jello Pudding as "being good for you" because it's made with fresh wholesome milk. Never mind all the sugar that's in it, the fact that it's made with milk negates the sugar, thus making it good for a child to have. God I love the 80s!

Following the pudding commercial, whoever recorded these ads is once again failing at their jobs, as we get a whole bunch of channel flipping before landing in the middle of a Nissan truck ad. The thing that stands out most to me is this: SOMEBODY WAS RECORDING EXCLUSIVELY FOR THE COMMERCIALS! I had always assumed that when I saw a series of old commercials online, it was people who had recorded full shows, then taken the time to edit and upload the ads only. But this shows me that there were people who were exclusively, and purposely recording JUST ADS!

Moving on, we have a beer commercial for Michelob. There's not much to say about this one, it was a bland commercial, and as a consumer it doesn't make me want to buy the product; which is probably why whoever recorded these commercials started channel flipping again. At the end of this series of channel flips, we land on the end of an Excedrin commercial, followed by an ad for Olivia's Greatest hits. I'm assuming it's Olivia Newton John, but that's not really specified. GIVE ME FULL COMMERCIALS!

We then get a Tab Cola ad, where one guy is trying to show another guy pictures of his family at what appears to be a random company gathering. Guy 2 isn't paying attention to the pictures because he's staring at a beautiful woman. The woman then approaches the two men, and it's revealed that she's the wife of guy 1. Despite this, guy 2 continues to check her out and then says "beautiful." He immediately looks embarrassed after this remark; maybe he should have been paying attention to the pictures. Anyways, it ends with the three of them standing around each other semi awkwardly, because classic juxtaposition!

We now get, not commercials, but TV spots talking about what's going to happen next time on Happy Days, Joanie Loves Chachi, and Hart to Hart. Gotta love TV bumpers!

Following the bumpers, we have a Chevrolet spot advertising a sale that they're having, where they're trying to sell 600 cars. What sticks out most about this spot is just how awful looking a lot of cars were in the 80s.

News bumper. I love and hate old news bumpers at the same time, because they always get me interested in the story, but then I never find out what happened.

Tail end of a commercial for The Magic Pan, which I'm guessing is a restaurant. Again, give me full commercials, damnit!

We now have a commercial for Hebrew National Beef Franks, WHICH IS NOW MY FAVOURITE COMMERCIAL! I have personally never seen a commercial for kosher food products before, so this caught me completely off guard. The commercial has Uncle Sam holding a hot dog while a voice-over talks about all the ingredients the government says is ok to put in hot dog, but which are not ok for Hebrew National to put in them because the ingredients aren't kosher. The commercial ends with the voice-over saying "we have to answer to a higher authority (God)." The camera than cuts to a shot of the sky as the product is displayed and the ad ends.

Castrol GTX ad. Same generic ads as they've always run, nothing exciting or noteworthy here.

Snack ad for something called Bountiful, a snack consisting of almonds and pistachios. Set against the background of people riding their bikes, Bountiful is promoting snacks to those who want to live a healthy/active lifestyle, and essentially that they are Nature's treat.

Dunkin Donuts newspaper coupon ad! Only good for Munchkins' though; can't use the coupon for coffee, full donuts, etc.

What the hell? Some kid leading a camel through the desert? What the shit is this? Hmmm.... the camel appears to be carrying something.... It's Wyler's fruit drinks! It's not already made drinks, it's powdered shit that you have to add water to in order to make; which is awesome for this kid, because he has a shitload of this stuff in a desert WITH NO WATER! Lesson here, don't take Wyler's into the desert, because it will do you no good.

Hey! It's Bill Cosby again. It must be another Jello Pudding commercial. Nope....... Coke. Wait, what? Cosby did Coke ads? Are Coke and Jello owned by the same company? Or were they back then? This is so weird, I don't remember Cosby being a spokesperson for Coke, but apparently he was. Anyways, this ad is basically putting down the Pepsi Taste Challenge, saying that more people - 60,000,000 people daily to be exact - drink Coke. Coke doesn't mention if that 60 million daily is worldwide or just in the States, and they also don't mention the daily number of Pepsi consumers. I need answers, Coke! I can't just blindly accept your tagline of "Coke Is It" if I don't have all the facts in front of me!


Anyways, that's all for this set of ads, the video for it is posted below, if you want to watch. Hopefully you enjoyed reading this, leave me any feedback or constructive criticism you might have in the comment section.